I just recently began to connect to dots. My relationship with various women, my friendships and my relationship to my mother. They say that psychedlics amplifies experience — well, I felt an intense amplification of feelings around the women in my life and my feelings towards them. I didn’t realize that some of my visceral responses (which I kept to myself) were really about unresolved feelings from my early childhood experiences. And I can see how the way a friend relates to me can be influenced by her unresolved issues with her parents — particularly mom.
[Edited]
The antidote to all that past negative programming is to TRUST MYSELF also to know that I’ve done my best, and that best is good enough. It’s okay when relationships end because it opens up a space for something new. And that is actually that is beautiful — not something just to be mourned. Losing a close friendship can be difficult because it can feel like losing a central part of yourself. I can feel the grief and the tears. And sometimes I just need to let them flow.
I also have been re evaluating my definition of friendship. For me, a true friendship or emotional connection involves honesty, authenticity, trust, loyalty, presence and a shared commitment. And that hasn’t been my experience with various *friends*. I feel inevitably let down, disappointed and disillusioned because they don’t seem to share the same understanding. It’s caused me a lot of pain and anguish because I feel I’m just reopening that wound all of not being loveable or not being enough all over again. But, it’s not like when I begin a friendship, we both sit down and signed a friendship contract involving agreeing to terms. I’m beginning to accept that not everyone has the same way of relating the world. I can be a little unrealistic. Not everyone has the same idea of friendship as I do. And a friend cannot offer perfect mirroring. Your friend is not your long lost mother or your therapist.
[Edited]
Thank you, Tara Rae, for providing an opportunity to reflect on this.
"The antidote to all that past negative programming is to TRUST MYSELF also to know that I’ve done my best, and that best is good enough. It’s okay when relationships end because it opens up a space for something new. And that is actually that is beautiful — not something just to be mourned. Losing a close friendship can be difficult because it can feel like losing a central part of yourself. I can feel the grief and the tears. And sometimes I just need to let them flow."
Thank you for sharing all of this, Anna. I love this line of yours, "TRUST MYSELF."
That's it. Your particular heart and soul knows the way.
And it's so true, finding our people who share a similar vision, way of relating, caring, etc, can be quite the process.
I have just a couple very dear friends whom I feel we share a similar vision and care of how to relate, and it's taken almost 30 years to find those two anam cara's.
I was intrigued by the concept of Anam Cara which you mentioned. So, I looked up the term and found this article by, Maria Pavola, “Anam Cara and the Essence of True Friendship: Poet and Philosopher John O’Donohue on the Beautiful Ancient Celtic Notion of Soul-Friend”.
This is so very helpful as now I understand what I have been searching and yearning for in terms of connection for so many years. It’s so difficult. I think I’m going to need to find a healthy, thriving spiritual community where I can connect with others on another level because it’s not happening for me in the secular world. What I’ve been doing up to this point isn’t working for me. I’m not sure what the next chapter is going to look like and I’m looking forward to something different.
Have you read Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue? Is that something you recommend?
Central messages sound right on an intuitive level:
— Light is generous
— The human heart is never completely born
— Love as ancient recognition
— The body is the angel of the soul
— Solitude is luminous
— Beauty likes neglected places
— The passionate heart never ages
— To be natural is to be holy
— Silence is the sister of the divine
— Death as an invitation to freedom
Thank you for helping me look at my current situation through another lens. I’ve got some reading and journaling I’d like to do once I’m settled into my new place. The winter time is a good time to hunker down, rest and self reflect.
Yes, Anam Cara by John O Donohue has been read by me many, many times. It saved my life in my early twenties when I was dealing with chronic pain and health issues. It was one of the only mediums being/thought of which I felt able to relax and feel warm.
I think so many of us women, therapists, healers, or not, are really in such deep process on reclaiming our true hearts in connection with one another as the powerful beautiful women we all are--- but I don't think a lot of us women yet know how to do so, or what this truly looks like. Gosh, we've had our power stripped from us for so freaking long. Men have too, at least in regard to heart power.
So, I'm not that surprised you hadn't ever talked to therapists about it before. It feels like shadow material to an extent, even in my field.
I just recently began to connect to dots. My relationship with various women, my friendships and my relationship to my mother. They say that psychedlics amplifies experience — well, I felt an intense amplification of feelings around the women in my life and my feelings towards them. I didn’t realize that some of my visceral responses (which I kept to myself) were really about unresolved feelings from my early childhood experiences. And I can see how the way a friend relates to me can be influenced by her unresolved issues with her parents — particularly mom.
[Edited]
The antidote to all that past negative programming is to TRUST MYSELF also to know that I’ve done my best, and that best is good enough. It’s okay when relationships end because it opens up a space for something new. And that is actually that is beautiful — not something just to be mourned. Losing a close friendship can be difficult because it can feel like losing a central part of yourself. I can feel the grief and the tears. And sometimes I just need to let them flow.
I also have been re evaluating my definition of friendship. For me, a true friendship or emotional connection involves honesty, authenticity, trust, loyalty, presence and a shared commitment. And that hasn’t been my experience with various *friends*. I feel inevitably let down, disappointed and disillusioned because they don’t seem to share the same understanding. It’s caused me a lot of pain and anguish because I feel I’m just reopening that wound all of not being loveable or not being enough all over again. But, it’s not like when I begin a friendship, we both sit down and signed a friendship contract involving agreeing to terms. I’m beginning to accept that not everyone has the same way of relating the world. I can be a little unrealistic. Not everyone has the same idea of friendship as I do. And a friend cannot offer perfect mirroring. Your friend is not your long lost mother or your therapist.
[Edited]
Thank you, Tara Rae, for providing an opportunity to reflect on this.
"The antidote to all that past negative programming is to TRUST MYSELF also to know that I’ve done my best, and that best is good enough. It’s okay when relationships end because it opens up a space for something new. And that is actually that is beautiful — not something just to be mourned. Losing a close friendship can be difficult because it can feel like losing a central part of yourself. I can feel the grief and the tears. And sometimes I just need to let them flow."
Thank you for sharing all of this, Anna. I love this line of yours, "TRUST MYSELF."
That's it. Your particular heart and soul knows the way.
And it's so true, finding our people who share a similar vision, way of relating, caring, etc, can be quite the process.
I have just a couple very dear friends whom I feel we share a similar vision and care of how to relate, and it's taken almost 30 years to find those two anam cara's.
I was intrigued by the concept of Anam Cara which you mentioned. So, I looked up the term and found this article by, Maria Pavola, “Anam Cara and the Essence of True Friendship: Poet and Philosopher John O’Donohue on the Beautiful Ancient Celtic Notion of Soul-Friend”.
https://www.themarginalian.org/2015/08/12/anam-cara-john-o-donohue-soul-friend/
This is so very helpful as now I understand what I have been searching and yearning for in terms of connection for so many years. It’s so difficult. I think I’m going to need to find a healthy, thriving spiritual community where I can connect with others on another level because it’s not happening for me in the secular world. What I’ve been doing up to this point isn’t working for me. I’m not sure what the next chapter is going to look like and I’m looking forward to something different.
Have you read Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue? Is that something you recommend?
Central messages sound right on an intuitive level:
— Light is generous
— The human heart is never completely born
— Love as ancient recognition
— The body is the angel of the soul
— Solitude is luminous
— Beauty likes neglected places
— The passionate heart never ages
— To be natural is to be holy
— Silence is the sister of the divine
— Death as an invitation to freedom
Thank you for helping me look at my current situation through another lens. I’ve got some reading and journaling I’d like to do once I’m settled into my new place. The winter time is a good time to hunker down, rest and self reflect.
Dear Anna,
Yes, Anam Cara by John O Donohue has been read by me many, many times. It saved my life in my early twenties when I was dealing with chronic pain and health issues. It was one of the only mediums being/thought of which I felt able to relax and feel warm.
So yes, I HIGHLY recommend it.
With heart,
Tara
Thank you, Tara Rae. You don’t know how helpful you’ve been to me. 🙏
I’ve been continuing to think about my relationships with women. What you wrote about provided me with a lot of clarity already.
It’s surprising that I never had this discussion with any of my previous therapists.
And I think the references you’ve offered will help me with processing.
I’ll find my way. Take care.
Anna,
I think so many of us women, therapists, healers, or not, are really in such deep process on reclaiming our true hearts in connection with one another as the powerful beautiful women we all are--- but I don't think a lot of us women yet know how to do so, or what this truly looks like. Gosh, we've had our power stripped from us for so freaking long. Men have too, at least in regard to heart power.
So, I'm not that surprised you hadn't ever talked to therapists about it before. It feels like shadow material to an extent, even in my field.
I'm grateful to be in this conversation with you.
With a wild heart,
Tara