You have caused me to reflect on my relationship with my Mother and with Her Mother as well. They were very GOOD to me, always there. They pushed me in Jack's direction: I do not live for what the world thinks of me, but for what I think of myself.
Over time it has caused me to try to offer a hand up. Thanks for your insights, very, very valuable in assessing situations. They rank with Amelia's: A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.
Tara Rae, I was immediately drawn to this profound "Mother" piece of yours – as it had my experience scrawled all over it! About ten years back I was (finally) led through some remarkable breakthrough work to, as you say, venture all the way to the roots of my heartbreak. Trite but true: there is no other way to get to the other side but straight through.
I clung to the belief – no, the trust! – that enduring the hell I choose to be pulled into, confronting the trauma and processing it, would finally free me from the agonizing emotions that had haunted me daily – crippling anxiety, excruciating shame and self-doubt, explosive anger and a cold, brutalizing depression. And it did! My soul led me to a new life, dare I say a born-again life.
Today, in teaching my emotional release work (I mean what else would I do following that incredible metamorphosis!), I do include psychedelics as a tool. But as you suggest, it's hardly the be-all and end-all that some might believe it to be. Rather, it's one piece of a broader framework that facilitates burrowing deep to those roots of heartbreak.
As I read your personal account regarding you and your mother, you spoke in past tense of struggling. I trust this means you've moved past much (most?) of the limiting patterns that once imprisoned you. I'm sending you so much love. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing a part of your own journey of spiraling down to the roots of your heartbreak. I am also so glad to hear you experienced a born-again life, post journeying down.
I appreciate that the way you work now, is utilized as one tool among a whole picture/framework of healing.
And yes, past tense. By the miracle of some deep inner work, I feel quite sovereign, free, and liberated now. But it isn't until now that I have felt the freedom to speak about these things openly. It's taken a long time to get here. But I can feel that I am being called to do more womens work specifically, and to do so, I need to write about this stuff.
My eating disorder began at age 5, peaked at 15-25, then stopped. I'm 36 now. There's been some work to do post-eating disorder over the last decade, however, to get free on all the levels. One beautiful thing to show for all the healing is an album I am currently working on. I'll have two of my songs on spotify hopefully by the end of the month! I'll share here on substack so keep your eye out.
One article at a time, I tell myself. It does go a little deep.
[Edited, abbreviated response.]
1, 2, 3, 4 — I experienced all of those things.
I always appreciate your thoughtfulness, your kindness & your profound wisdom, Tara Rae.
I wonder if you’ve considered writing a book. I think it would be a great gift to women. There so many of us with this wound. And I haven’t really found anything that speaks to what you are expressing.
Forgiveness is work in progress because I believe the wounding of the mother, the betrayal I experienced because of that, cuts the deepest.
I feel sad to hear you went through the same thing with your mother, and developed similar strategies. What really strikes me about it is how archetypal these energies are. Which to me, reveals how much they lack true soul and particularity. Because deep down, each of our essences are SO unique. And so, when our Mothers are THAT similar, it really shows how much they were performing a dominant culture script rather than being themselves, in their soul.
And yes, so much lost life in healing from childhood trauma. And I am glad you are here and alive. I haven't heard of the alchemist idea specifically. I will look that up.
Two resources that influenced this post are The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Cori, and an online course by Bethany Webster.
I am working on a book actually! It's called Live and let Live: Restoring our Sacred Hearts.
Sending you care, Anna.
I can see how these posts could be a lot to digest, and a little activating. Thank you for letting me know. I may even write a little warning about that, at the top in the future.
You have caused me to reflect on my relationship with my Mother and with Her Mother as well. They were very GOOD to me, always there. They pushed me in Jack's direction: I do not live for what the world thinks of me, but for what I think of myself.
Jack London
Gosh, I am so delighted this was your experience. Beautiful.
Over time it has caused me to try to offer a hand up. Thanks for your insights, very, very valuable in assessing situations. They rank with Amelia's: A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.
Amelia Earhart
Hmm. May there be many new trees.
Tara Rae, I was immediately drawn to this profound "Mother" piece of yours – as it had my experience scrawled all over it! About ten years back I was (finally) led through some remarkable breakthrough work to, as you say, venture all the way to the roots of my heartbreak. Trite but true: there is no other way to get to the other side but straight through.
I clung to the belief – no, the trust! – that enduring the hell I choose to be pulled into, confronting the trauma and processing it, would finally free me from the agonizing emotions that had haunted me daily – crippling anxiety, excruciating shame and self-doubt, explosive anger and a cold, brutalizing depression. And it did! My soul led me to a new life, dare I say a born-again life.
Today, in teaching my emotional release work (I mean what else would I do following that incredible metamorphosis!), I do include psychedelics as a tool. But as you suggest, it's hardly the be-all and end-all that some might believe it to be. Rather, it's one piece of a broader framework that facilitates burrowing deep to those roots of heartbreak.
As I read your personal account regarding you and your mother, you spoke in past tense of struggling. I trust this means you've moved past much (most?) of the limiting patterns that once imprisoned you. I'm sending you so much love. Thank you for sharing.
Becca,
Thank you so much for sharing a part of your own journey of spiraling down to the roots of your heartbreak. I am also so glad to hear you experienced a born-again life, post journeying down.
I appreciate that the way you work now, is utilized as one tool among a whole picture/framework of healing.
And yes, past tense. By the miracle of some deep inner work, I feel quite sovereign, free, and liberated now. But it isn't until now that I have felt the freedom to speak about these things openly. It's taken a long time to get here. But I can feel that I am being called to do more womens work specifically, and to do so, I need to write about this stuff.
My eating disorder began at age 5, peaked at 15-25, then stopped. I'm 36 now. There's been some work to do post-eating disorder over the last decade, however, to get free on all the levels. One beautiful thing to show for all the healing is an album I am currently working on. I'll have two of my songs on spotify hopefully by the end of the month! I'll share here on substack so keep your eye out.
With love,
Tara
Cold, unemotional, unavailable mother
One article at a time, I tell myself. It does go a little deep.
[Edited, abbreviated response.]
1, 2, 3, 4 — I experienced all of those things.
I always appreciate your thoughtfulness, your kindness & your profound wisdom, Tara Rae.
I wonder if you’ve considered writing a book. I think it would be a great gift to women. There so many of us with this wound. And I haven’t really found anything that speaks to what you are expressing.
Forgiveness is work in progress because I believe the wounding of the mother, the betrayal I experienced because of that, cuts the deepest.
Anna,
I feel sad to hear you went through the same thing with your mother, and developed similar strategies. What really strikes me about it is how archetypal these energies are. Which to me, reveals how much they lack true soul and particularity. Because deep down, each of our essences are SO unique. And so, when our Mothers are THAT similar, it really shows how much they were performing a dominant culture script rather than being themselves, in their soul.
And yes, so much lost life in healing from childhood trauma. And I am glad you are here and alive. I haven't heard of the alchemist idea specifically. I will look that up.
Two resources that influenced this post are The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Cori, and an online course by Bethany Webster.
I am working on a book actually! It's called Live and let Live: Restoring our Sacred Hearts.
Sending you care, Anna.
I can see how these posts could be a lot to digest, and a little activating. Thank you for letting me know. I may even write a little warning about that, at the top in the future.